Coping with the death of an unborn child through funeral poems. 3 important tactics for moving on.
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Much as one may never get to hear their unborn child cry, there are still natural and strong bonds of attachment to them. These bonds exist right from conception. The death of an unborn child is a loss like no other, it is quite painful and difficult to handle. It will bring a series of reactions.
As is the norm, every family wishes to see a pregnancy grow to full term and the baby born as is expected. A different turn to this does not go down easily. Probably one may have complications, but there is always hope that those are just passing clouds. It is further believed, owing to the innocence of the unborn, that they will make it, at least life owes them that.
Waking up to their death is not easily accepted. A mother may still feel like they are safely intact in the womb, a view into their already prepared nursery makes one feel like the baby is still coming to occupy it, or their awaiting name still feels like it will be used as they grow up. It takes varying periods of time to accept depending on each person, applicable to the anticipating parents too.
It is the parent’s duty to protect their child, whether in the womb, born, school going, or even in old age. When never grows out of this role. That they die while not yet born is a big blow to this duty. A person may feel like they did not take care enough or eat the right foods or had enough rest so that the unborn babies get the same, hence they died.
Coping with the death of an unborn child through funeral poems.
The death of an unborn child makes parents and even their siblings question there every decision- that something ought to have been differently done to prevent the sad turn of events. Suddenly so many loopholes crop up, ones that were never in existence, that you wish you would have identified and filled up, and they would not have slipped out of our hands.
It is common to be angry towards oneself, especially with a view that there are things that we had a chance to do differently but we failed to see in time. There is anger for not being good enough to prevent such an innocent and helpless soul from dying, yet we are strong and probably have answers to questions that they would have asked were they able to talk.
There may be a shake of one’s faith, as a result of looking at the death of the unborn baby as quite unfair from God. Why would all your prayers regarding their safe delivery not be answered? What wrong had one done to deserve such a painful punishment? At this point, one does not see the will of God regarding life, but as a mere punishment for their sins, hence anger towards their faith.
There is anger towards life, at this point, it is not clear why the life of an unborn is cut short before they even have a taste of what is in store for them. This unequal player who lets us plant a flower and plucks just as it roots down itself.
The death of a person causes unbearable pain, much to the death of an unborn baby. Our expectations, plans, and visions are suddenly cut short. We think of such things as their birthdays, school achievements, weddings, or just any form of celebration that we will never get to hold since they are not there.
This pain is differently felt by each person affected and will be differentially expressed. Some people tend to distance themselves and silently weep, some resort to sleeping, while others would rather talk about it. Either way, one should express this pain, a failure to do so will result in a disruption of the natural grieving period.
An interruption of sleeping patterns. People tend to handle their pain in different ways. Quite a number, following the death of an unborn child experience difficulty in falling asleep- this could be as a result of restlessness or as a view of sleep as a comfortable action, opposite of how they are supposed to be mourning their unborn child.
There are a number of people who would rather sleep than live in the reality of their loss. One’s brain and body are at rest while sleeping, so there is no room for feeling or thinking about the pain they are supposed to be suffering.
Inability to eat as recommended. What with the processes and formalities involved with making funeral arrangements? One never gets enough time to rest or eat well. There could also be a loss of appetite making it difficult to eat the required foods.
On the other hand, the brain is subjected to overdrive stressful situations like grieving the loss of their unborn baby. The baby consumes so much that it does not need, while the victim subconsciously eats as a way of dealing with the pressure.
Either way, lack of or too much eating may cause digestion related problems like too much gas in one’s stomach, constipation, and vomiting.
A headache is a known way of the body telling us that all is not well. It could be as a natural reaction towards receiving the devastating news of the death of the unborn child, as a by-result of not having enough rest, or eating properly and drinking enough water hence depriving the body of its key requirements.
The impact of the death of an unborn child brings is huge unlike what people imagine it is. It is death like any other and requires careful handling to ensure one heals from this loss.
The Holy Bookshop understands that you are probably here because you are either directly or indirectly affected, and it is out of our care and sense of togetherness, that we wish to encourage you that all will be fine as time goes by, but you can indulge in some of the following tactics, which will be helpful towards moving on with life.
1. Making their death public.
This is very necessary but an uphill task. Pregnancy is physically visible, or better still the joy of conception does not allow us to be silent. It a joyous thing, which we cheerfully spread around, at least so people can start preparing for the arrival of a new life. No one anticipates a termination to this, but rather we all expect a happy ending.
That this doesn’t come to pass should be told to everyone, to void weird situations later on, where one may ask how the baby is doing yet the baby never made it. Make it known, however painful it is, to help you avoid such triggering situations later on.
It also gives the fulfillment that the little one was treated as equally as anyone else should be.
Perhaps you wonder how to handle the picture part of obituaries or death notices? Owing to the sensitivity, you can replace this with flowers, or simply talk about their details, the message will still be received by the anticipated audience.
Funeral Poems are therapeutic in a number of ways during the grieving period. Poems have a way of connecting to our feelings through carefully selected words by people who have been in our situations or got inspiration to write from those in similar situations around them.
Funeral Poems work like songs. They eliminate the physical presence of someone, while still conveying a message- well, sometimes we just wish to have some quiet guided moments as we think things through, and reading funeral poems are perfect.
There are a number of funeral poems which one can read to soothe their souls as they mourn the loss of an unborn child, the Holy Bookshop has a collection of the funeral poems type, perfect for use during this period.
Religious funeral poems vs non-religious funeral poems for the unborn child.
The religious funeral poems not only help to calm the soul but also lifts up one’s spirit. They recognize the presence and will of God during this difficult moment, while still giving the reader the assurance that the unborn child’s soul is perfectly rested, and that we will still meet them when we too go to heaven.
Knowing that they are in a peaceful place is a source of comfort and consolation. The non-religious funeral poems are equally important much as they are not restrictive of one’s faith. They can still, however, be used by believers in equal measures, or better still be adjusted to suit one’s preference.
Both are weighty based on what they communicate to us, so it is a matter of personal preference and choice.
Other than being used for one’s personal comfort and consolation, these poems can be subjected to other useful uses, as shown below, which will also help in bringing a closure to the death of the unborn child, by the virtue of making one feel that they did everything possible to give them a beautiful send-off.
On the death notices or obituaries- make these announcements grand and special like the gift which we never held in our arms by attaching funeral poems, funeral verses, or funeral quotes to them. It gives a deep and intense meaning to their short lives.
On the funeral programs- even though they died while tender, they deserve an organized send-off. This includes using funeral programs for their funeral services, in which, since you may have little to write about, you can communicate a message through the funeral poems, and draw sympathy from mourners.
On funeral flowers- people will carefully select funeral flowers for use on the unborn child’s casket or graveside based on their imagination of the kind of flowers they would like. Attaching funeral poems to these flowers is an exquisite gesture of love for them, sending those messages of what we want them to know for as long as they are gone.
On funeral invitation cards- even for the unborn child, we will still send out invites to those whom we wish to be present. Grieving does not allow us to think of proper words to express our intentions, so we could perhaps just use a funeral poem for the invite.
On thank you notes- there are people who give us overwhelming support during funerals for unborn children, who exceedingly go out of their way to make things flow smoothly, and to whom a simple thank you is just not enough. You may be down financial, especially after preparing and conducting the funeral service, but a simple funeral poem on that simple thank you note is a nice way of showing our gratitude.
On condolence and sympathy cards- you can use these together with funeral poems to sympathize with the bereaved family and friends, for finding appropriate words may prove to be difficult.
3. Taking care of oneself.
This is a very key tactic. Grieving will never come to a dead-end, it is something we learn to cope with for the rest of our lives. Bearing this in mind, one needs to learn how to go about their duties once again, but at their own pace.
There are fundamental things like eating, sleeping or resting and cleaning up which we need to learn to adapt to immediately after. Such things like cleaning the house, cooking or taking care of the other children if applicable, can be designated to a close friend or relative in the initial stages as we slowly adapt.
Taking care of oneself involves preparing for special days too, which happen to be major emotional triggers, days like their supposed birthdays, Christmas day, or thanksgivings. To feel pain is inevitable, and to let emotions flow is advisable, but we can make sufficient preparations for how to go about special days like listing a channel of activities to do to help make the days and memories happy instead of sad.