From a personal experience, coping with the death of a child is an absolutely heartbreaking moment. It turns one’s life upside down and leaves one in a dark place until it is dealt with in a positive manner. The pain never goes away but positive help will help to re-build ones life and live a much more positive life. I found great consolation when I turned to read funeral poems and re-installed my faith in God.
The loss of a child may make a parent’s life turn upside down. People are likely to feel alienated and distance from their daily routines. Losing an infant is comparable to other forms of loss as a result of death, but equally challenging when it comes to coping with the loss of a child.
The loss of a child will cause a series of reactions to a person as mentioned below, commonly referred to as the 5 stages of grieving. There is no order as to which one comes first or last, or how long each should last.
There is no time frame or sequence to grieving, it is said that the best to go about it is by respecting one’s own emotions and pace.
The impact is huge, and the news consequently hard to accept. Someone sees this as just a dream that will fade during the initial stages. We still hope that they are alive, and will live and grow big enough to achieve their dreams. Life deserves to give them a chance to do so.
This denial may affect a person to the extent of not being able to clean up the infant’s room or dispose of their clothing. People bargain hoping that they would wake up the following morning to hear the infant crying.
Anger- naturally, every parent wishes to see their child grow like everyone else’s. That they should die at such a tender age makes one angry, so much that it may even shake one’s faith and trust in God.
A parent may have some anger towards life itself, for being so unfair and not giving the young one a chance to sprout. There may also be anger towards death, why would it only pick on the tender one, who has done no harm, why would it not opt for, perhaps the parent instead, who has seen everything and only has a few more miles to go?
Guilt- every parent wishes that their kids grow big enough to realize their purpose from the time of conception. The death of an infant makes one feel not having done enough to shield and protect them.
A person may be hard on themselves, for instance in case the infant succumbed to an ailment, making a parent feel that they didn’t take them to the best hospital as should have been.
Coping with the death of a Death of a child also makes people question their relationship to the kid, with thoughts that they didn’t love them enough or pray hard enough so that God can protect the little ones, for how would such innocent and blameless souls be picked so fast and not the grown-ups who have wronged someone else.
Depression- a parent who has lost an infant may find it difficult staying around other children, or even fear that the children left behind can equally succumb because they are not protective and good enough with the parenting role. They feel sad for the loss, always imagining how life would have been if the kid had not died, or whom they would have grown to become.
There is sadness in preparing so much to raise the kid, and then suddenly this role is rendered useless by their death. There is that vast love in a parent’s heart that is left stuck in, with no one to share it with, that love owing to the natural and unexplainable strong bond that exists between a parent and a child.
Acceptance- the normal grieving period is expected to take place within one year after the death o an infant. For some parents, it may go beyond. In between, someone will develop their own unique mechanisms of living with the loss and coping with the emotional triggers.
Some parents feel like the wound is fresh much later when they perceive themselves to have moved on. This is very natural. The bond shared with one’s kid cannot be erased from the moment they are conceived- they become your children all the way even when they are grown and married. Where parents have lost more than one infant, acceptance becomes tragic and may even require professional counselling to manage.
Coping with the loss of a child and the use of funeral poems.
One can cope with the loss of a child and honour their impacts on our lives for the short duration we shared with them through the following means.
1. Selecting from a collection of the best funeral poems, funeral quotes, and funeral verses at the Holy Bookshop and using them as shown below. For those who further wish to honour the spirituality of their infants owing to the family’s beliefs, there are religious funeral poems and religious funeral quotes for the infant.
We also have the non-religious funeral poems and non-religious funeral quotes for an infant in cases where the family members still wish for very hearty but not spiritual funeral poems.
Using the funeral quotes or funeral verses or funeral poems alongside their death notices and obituaries. The death of an infant needs to be made public, to honour our young ones and to let the whole world know about your loss.
This, most importantly, prevents the awkwardness that would otherwise occur if in future, you meet someone and they were not aware of it and so they wish to find out how one’s child is doing, thereby awakening your wounds, causing a disruption to the healing process.
The use of the funeral poems, quotes, and verses is an indication of the intense love one had for the infant, so much that you will go an extra mile to gift them even in death.
In making their funeral programs. We have limited room but lots of things that we would all wish to do for our departed for they are no longer with us. So any chance of showing that connection that was once shared is used to the fullest. The funeral verses, funeral poems, and funeral quotes can be inserted at the beginning or end of their funeral programs to speak to people, without uttering a word, the impact of the infant’s death in one’s life.
During the infant’s funeral service or memorial service. One can use more than one funeral poem for an infant, funeral verse or funeral quotes during the mentioned services. You can even assign a close friend or family to read them out, as the pain of losing an infant is usually overwhelming.
On headstones- the special but short moments shared with an infant are equally precious and can be permanently honoured and remembered by engraving a sweet poem, verse or quote on their headstones.
Together with funeral flowers- for one to heal and cope with the death of an infant, everything that makes this possible counts. Using the funeral flowers together with funeral poems, funeral verses, and funeral quotes can bring a closure from the aspect of us doing everything possible within our reach to give them a befitting and fulfilling send-off. Sometimes the question of whether to go for a long funeral poem or short funeral poem for an infant pops up. Both have the capacities to perform the below-mentioned functions.
The ultimate choice is yours, but may be affected by factors like space and time available for its usage, things that might likely not matter anyway owing to the love we have for the deceased infant, and being that we are the masters of choice. Celebrating the deceased infant- it is never easy to find joy in mourning, we all tend to lean towards the pain it causes, so much that we fail to see the important and precious milestones the deceased achieved.
The death of an infant may make us lose focus, why would we only have them for such a short duration. Why would a flower bud, and get plucked before it blooms? The words used in funeral poems for infants soothe our soles by making us see that they already achieved their purpose for the short period they were with us, probably by bringing the family together, bringing us moments of joy, and strengthening our opinions towards life upon their death.
Comforting and consoling the bereaved- if there is anyone who needs lots of comforting and consolation, using any possible channels, at least to get them back to the normal self, then it is someone grieving. Reading these poems beats this purpose being that they were written by people who have experienced infant grief first hand and became victorious, enough to encourage others going through a similar situation.
The funeral poems for infant further soothe the pain by making one see that the infant is peacefully rested and permanently protected from the troubles of the world, thereby giving those left behind a peace of mind and closure in the infant’s death. Honouring the family’s and infant’s spirituality- well, an infant dies at a young age, before they get to learn the family’s beliefs and traditions, even in spiritual matters.
Even so, we still believe that they are born with our beliefs and should be sent off in equal measure. The religious funeral poems for an infant honours the family’s belief in God, requesting God to take back the little angel and have them rest in His arms and to give those left behind the strength needed to go on. Expressing our emotions thereby drawing the sympathy required in mourning- directly, the death of an infant disables us from going on with our normal lives, so much that we may not be able to express our emotions amidst things like writing a eulogy or funeral speech for the infant.
The funeral poems for an infant eliminates the struggle that one would have otherwise while gone through by providing the words, which will appear like they directly came from us. The role of a funeral poem is also to draw sympathy from a mourning audience. Short or long, the funeral poems at the Holy Bookshop will give those messages to pond over, creating a clear picture of the pain resulting from the infant loss.
2. A parent can also honour their infants by talking about them. Initially, this may prove to be a daunting task, for it will arouse the pain that we are so trying to heal off. It is not easy, but one thing true, it is a nice way of handling the loss of an infant. Talk about the possible career paths they would have taken, how beautiful, caring or gentle they would have grown to be, and the colours they would have loved, and so on.
Talk about the time, however brief, that you shared with the infant, and the impact they made in that period. Or perhaps, the schools you would have wished for them to attend. Where one finds it difficult talking about their deceased infants with the people around them, they can always join support groups, where they will find motivation from interacting with people who have experienced a similar loss.
Talking about a deceased infant requires one to be ready to do so, you should therefore take time until you are able to handle it. Do not do it out of pressure or just because you are told it is a gesture of strength, but rather do it when your inner being is willing- respect your feelings in all situations surrounding grief.
3. Lighting up a candle is also a good gesture. It can be done in the house, during the memorial or funeral service, in church or by their graves. Everyone in the family can be assigned their own candle to light up to show respect for the deceased child. Lighting candles is further believed to hasten our prayers for the deceased, to make their journey to heaven quite fasten ones journey to heaven and showing that there will still be light despite the darkness caused by death of a dear one.
4. Getting involved in acts of charity to commemorate the deceased infant. There are activities such as, Annual making of donations to the less privileged. Giving the infant’s clothes to the needy children. Sponsoring a child. Starting a foundation. Visiting a children’s home annually on the day they passed on. Doing community service The above acts will preoccupy one’s mind and also give the fulfillment of doing something that you would have otherwise done with the deceased infant, making a meaningful time and money spending for worthy courses.
5. Talking to the deceased child. We show our love to our children by equally sharing our emotions with them. That they hear is quite fulfilling. You can converse to the deceased infant while visiting their gravesites, or simply holding their pictures and simply talk to them. This gives one the chance to show their love despite having been denied the chance by fate.
Talking to the deceased infant enables a person to find a closure to their death. Even if they may not respond, there is immense peace fond after telling them what you feel and offering apologies for not being able to prevent their early death.
The Holy Bookshop has a collection of beautiful funeral poems, funeral quotes, funeral verses, both religious and non-religious, which will become handy in honouring your deceased infant, especially since their death makes us lack the right words to express our pain.
Getting over the resulting grief is not a smooth journey, but can be gradually attained by indulging in some or all of the ways suggested above. There is never permanent healing form the scar caused by death, for the memories will linger on until the end of times. But we can bravely carry on based on the lessons we learnt from sharing those little moments with the deceased infant, for that short period could have been all they were meant to use to impact our lives.