The loss of a loved one is considered as part of nature, but the emotions and pains that come along with it are but out of this world. There we have to learn how we can effectively coping with grief. During this period, words alone may not be enough. Mourning people tend to need support from family and friends, at least until they are able to come to terms with the loss.
Due to the vast nature of human beings, there is a big difference in the ways in which people experience grief. There is no predetermined formula or required way to go about it. A number of emotions come to play for each and every individual, however much this be the most stressful thing one can go through.
Different factors affect the way we react to the loss of a loved one, namely,
Our religious beliefs.
Age of the bereaved.
An individual’s personality.
One’s cultural beliefs.
Our other experiences pertaining to the death of a loved one.
Effectively coping with grief, these are some of the feelings people experience, and which one should not feel guilty for, are listed below.
Shock.- Right from the moment one hears about the demise of a loved one, people tend to be in denial. It is never easy to accept the fact that you will not share moments together, nor will you be able to see them again.
Understanding that they are gone indeed takes time. In the initial stages, some people further behave as if there is nothing wrong, while for others everything else comes to a stop. For others, life simply loses its meaning and purpose. With the death of a loved one, what is there to live for?
Anger.- Quite a number of people will become angry. Why would death only take away the people they hold dear to their hearts? Why wouldn’t it give them a little more time together? What of the future plans you had, of the places to visit, the people to see, the business ideas….? Just why now? The anger is normal, as no one anticipates or expects death, it just happens.
This anger sometimes makes people quite aggressive or lock themselves up. They become mad at everything, but it goes on for a while, at least until they are able to accept the circumstances around them.
Pain;.- Death is far much one of the most painful experiences that human beings got to endure. The pain can be overwhelming, and if not handled well, it can lead to depression or subsequent addictions to things like drugs or alcohol. People tend to look for a way of finding comfort when grieved, something that will carry your mind away from the reality of the loss.
This more than stabbing pain is a feeling that takes the most time to overcome. For some, it goes on for years. It is recommended that you seek counselling to enable you to get over it or seek support from close relatives or friends. Learning how to effectively coping with grief can be a lengthy process.
Longing.- The desire to have someone talk to us or hold our hands again takes the better part of some of us. Sometimes you even get disillusioned, thinking that they were probably talking to calling you, something that is quite natural. The thoughts about the circumstances prior to their deaths may linger in one’s memory. So as the brain tends to process their demise, you might find yourself seeing or hearing their voices from a distance.
Guilt.- Some people feel that they are somehow responsible for the death of their loved ones, either directly or indirectly, that should they have acted in a certain way, or did a particular thing, then the situation would have been avoided. Sometimes we feel that we should have done a little more.
In circumstances where, at the time of death, you probably didn’t have a smooth relationship with the departed, this feeling grasps the better of you, with the thoughts that you should have mended fences when fate had given you the chance. There is a feeling of guilt in learning that you will never have a chance to make it right with them now that they are gone.
Depression.- The feeling that life is no longer worth it also comes to play. With the death of a loved one, some people further see no need to live, or do certain things which they use together, or perhaps even eat. They see their world as one that has crumbled.
Picking oneself from this state can prove a hard task, for you will need strong reasons to believe in life once again, and ways of doing your activities in the absence of the loved one.
Fear of facing reaction from others- that the death of your loved one will be reacted to differently by others too is something that brings out fear. Some people may pull away from you out of fear of not knowing what to say, others may simply be quiet and let nature take its cause. Some people may also feel like you didn’t do enough.
The best way of effectively coping with grief.
Talk- Coping with the loss of a loved one is not easy, and has no formula. Talk about how you feel about the people around you, be it, friends or family. You can also consider professional counselling. Sharing your emotions is an effective way of draining them off from your body. Well, a problem half shared is a problem half solved.
Through sharing, you might learn of how people, who once went through the same situation, were able to overcome it.
Adjust- Adjusting to a life without them by your side might take a while, but is very important. It cannot be forced through, it is a gradual process. Sometimes, you might still get overcome by emotions when you think that you are finally sailing over the loss, it is natural. The period taken for adjustment uniquely varies with each individual.
No one can tell how long a person will take to overcome loss, so just go by your pace. Cry when you feel, talk when you need, adjust as much as you can, and as time goes by, you will find life worth living again.