Coping with grief following the loss of a loved one can be quite a task and sometimes it may seem impossible but with time. We are going to discuss the best way to deal with the loss of a loved one and how to select appropriate funeral poems to use. With a lot of encouragement eases the pain. Usually, it is not that we cannot live without the deceased, it is because we no longer have the opportunity to be with them ever again, at least not on this earth.
However, the most important thing about moving on is that there are a number of ways that you can overcome the loss. When were are going through grief, we want to act like even though we are weak and want to try our eyes out, we are strong and we tend to think that it is part of the human life and that we will be okay. This, however, is not always the case. Sometimes we need a little encouragement in order to see life beyond the loss. People do this in so many ways including funeral poems, funeral readings or funeral verses.
When a person we love dies, from whatever cause, we are left with nothing but questions. Why now? Why them? Why couldn’t they have one more day to spend with you and maybe why God never gave you a chance to say your goodbye?
However, we never know when death comes and the only and the hardest thing we can do is to actually accept that they are actually gone and are never coming back. For instance, if you lost your spouse, no matter how hard it is to live without them, you will have to let go at some point. It is not easy, the pain is usually unbearable but we have to do it, to let them rest in peace and learn to adjust to the reality of their death. It is highly likely that you are going to be offered a chance at their funeral to say something. Most of us have literally nothing to say, or sometimes only too much to say without enough time to do so.
There is so much struggle that comes with accepting the loss of a loved one and most of the times we don’t just move on. We take some time to grieve, which could be months or years, and sometimes some people don’t move on at all. However, it is recommended to say how we feel about the loss and funeral poems are a good way to express those feelings. As much as funerals are sad, some people choose to celebrate a life well lived instead of mourning the loss.
1. .They provide us with memories of the deceased
Funeral poems have been used over the years, to commemorate the lives of the deceased. They don’t have to be sad or make people cry but some funeral poems feature how we remember those before us. For instance, while you are considering to use a funeral poem, self-written or buying from the internet, you may need to think about what you want to remember. Is it about how happy the deceased made you or about what they believed in?
2. Gives you a chance to honour the deceased
The reason why we experience grief after the death of a loved one is that of how important they were. Funeral poems allow us to honour not only the memory but also what the deceased meant to us. You want to tell the world that despite them being gone, they were important and still deserve our respect. It does not change anything else apart from the fact that we will never be with them in this life ever again. It is only fair to honour their memories and the part they held in our hearts.
3. Restore hope in the life after death
This is particularly for Christian believers, who believe that there is life after death. In the Bible, Jesus promised his followers that life does not end at the physical death. Instead, we have another happy life with the Lord, a life with no suffering. In fact, Christian beliefs suggest that once we die, we reunite with the Lord, rejoice with the Angels while worshipping the Lord. Most religious funeral poems insist on the life after death, encouraging Christians not to give up or be worried as the deceased has gone to be with the lord.
(i) Religious Poems
(ii) Non-religious Poems
Religious poems may feature funeral readings from the bible while non-religious funeral poems mainly feature commemorating the love of the deceased or mourning the loss. Most Christians will go with religious funeral poems which may rhyme with the Eulogy. However, it is not all about mourning and remembrance but also about setting the mood for the audience. For instance, you may want to consider what you want your audience to feel. What is the main reason for your poem? It may not be easy because we are not usually ourselves when we are grieving.
Most of us may think that a funeral poem is just another way to express our grief, well, it is partly that but there are so many features to consider while choosing a funeral poem. Keep in mind that the funeral poem is most likely to be in the eulogy, which means I should be relevant to the deceased’s memory. Below are some of the feature to consider while choosing a funeral poem;
a) Happy memories
Some funeral poems feature happy memories of the deceased. However, it is not all about celebrating the life of the deceased blindly. For instance, if you happened to lose a friend, not a close friend but in one way or the other they chose you to find a poem, you could probably focus on finding a poem expressing the joy in the afterlife. This is especially for the religious funeral poems that feature some Christian teachings.
The bible readings insist on the eternal life after death for those who believe in the lord. This could be the main focus of your poem. However, this could change in the event that the deceased is not a Christian. It would be much better if you chose a non-religious funeral poem, which may reflect on the happy memories you had with the deceased, their accomplishments and maybe express your gratitude for having met them and shared their life with you.
b) Defines the personality of the deceased
For a funeral poem to be relatable, it is important to make sure that we eventually have the right words to describe the deceased. Remember that you are going to have an audience that was close to the deceased, people who knew them very well. This means that whatever poem you choose, it is important to make sure that you have the right poem. There are thousands of funeral poems that were written by some of the greatest poets including Shakespeare but remember it is not just a poem you are looking for. It has to relate to the personality of the deceased in order to tap into your audience’s emotions.
c) Encompasses your feelings
The most important part of presenting a funeral poem is to let people know how you feel. For instance, if you are looking for a funeral poem for your parent or really close relative, it might come out strong. In order to create a theme, you need to get the poem that has the right words to express how you feel. One thing about funerals is that we are allowed to say what we truly feel, it helps in acceptance and remembrance of the deceased when they were alive. In this example, you may want to look for a poem to express the love you had for them and the void they have left. Remember that no one can fill the void but we have to learn to live without them but their memories never go away.
d) Remind us of shared grief and bring us together
You may wonder why even the distant family members will attend the funeral of a loved one, it is because no matter how much we try, we need to be together in order to get through the pain and loss of a loved one. While choosing a funeral poem, it is important to consider the worst that will bring all of you together. For instance, even though you don’t talk much with your brother overseas, the death of your parent or sibling will bring you together and you will have to sit in the same room, in honour of the deceased’s memory. While looking for a funeral poem to accompany the funeral readings, it is important to keep it in mind that you need to be united now more than ever, Instead of the grieve and loss tearing you apart, a great funeral poem will bring you together and share the grieve. At least you will not go through it all alone.
e) Express a deep held love and affection for the deceased
The truth is, most people will think that we are trying to show off when trying to express the love we had for the deceased but we have to. For instance, you may have gone through rough times with the deceased at some point but that does not mean that you didn’t love them If anything, maybe you just want to tell people why you valued the deceased. In a funeral poem, you can express your feelings of affection towards the deceased and maybe mention what they meant to you and the good times you had. Choose a funeral poem that expresses what you truly felt for the deceased.
In the recent years, traditions have changed and some people prefer cremation over traditional funeral. However, this does not affect the funeral proceedings other than the fact there is nobody at the funeral service. Instead, the ashes from cremation are placed in the place of the body, which means that you may still celebrate the deceased in a funeral poem.
Tips to use while choosing a funeral poem
Getting the right funeral poem is not always easy but below are some of the tips that may help you choose the right poem to express yourself during the funeral of a loved one;
(i) Don’t neglect your feelings
The main purpose why you are considering having a poem for the funeral of a loved one is because you feel it, you feel the void and you wish everyone could understand what you feel and why you feel so. It is recommended that you choose a funeral poem that expresses exactly what you feel, it is an important part of healing. You also should know that you are not the only one feeling that way and having such a poem could help other people in the audience realize that it is okay to grieve and that the deceased is at a better place now. For Christians, there is hope that they will reunite someday in the eternal life.
(ii) What do you want your audience to feel?
While choosing a funeral poem, it is important to make sure that you understand the moo you want to set at the funeral. Do you want your audience to feel happy, sad, do you want them to cry or rejoice in the hope that the deceased is at a better place with no suffering? It is upon you to decide what you want your audience to feel while choosing a funeral poem.
(iii) Consider the funeral readings
The thing about funeral poems is that they are way better when they align with the funeral readings. For instance, if the funeral readings are all about celebrating the life of the deceased with the mindset that they are now rested from the sufferings of this world, you may want to get a poem that goes with that. Celebrating a life well lived.
The big question is always; what next? After the funeral and all. The fact is, we have to learn to move on. It is okay to grieve and feel the pain of losing the deceased but at some point, we need to move on from the loss.
For instance, when I lost my mother, I didn’t know what to do. Having been raised single-handedly by her, I felt like the world stopped revolving. The main question was, how could I live without my mother? I had always believed in her because she never ever let me down. I tried in every way to overcome grief but depression caught on. I had no one to talk to about it, given that my family had already made it clear that it was over and there was nothing to cry about. I had always been strong and I didn’t cry but losing her changed me, in so many ways, both good and bad. The truth is, I didn’t handle the loss well which may have delayed me for about two years. However, that taught me some things:
1. It is okay to feel
The worst thing you can do while grieving is hiding away from your feelings. The truth is, having those feelings hurt deeply. It felt like a part of me left me and it wouldn’t be the same again, and it never was. Avoiding those feelings made me sick actually, I couldn’t sleep or eat well. I had to get help from a professional in order to accept the loss and finally let go of a love deeply held. It wasn’t easy losing the person I loved most and at times it was horrible to simply be alive. The thing is, you should let yourself feel, cry your eyes out if you have to. This will help you in letting go and accepting that they lived their lives and now you have to live yours.
2. Talk to people that care about you
Having no one to talk to while coping with grief is probably the worst thing that could happen after losing a loved one. You will get tempted to distance yourself and be alone in that cocoon, telling yourself that it is going to be over but it is healthy if the people that care about you got to understand how you feel. They say a problem shared is half solved and it is actually so true, from experience. Don’t close it all it, it might erupt someday. Instead, stay close to close friends and relatives and it gets easier by the day.
3. Take care of yourself
It is quite easy to forget yourself, your health, both physical and mental while you are coping with grief. However, no matter how much it hurts, remember to take care of yourself and avoid unnecessary harmful behaviours like drinking or using drugs. You might think that you are okay but that is not the solution. Instead, eat healthy, exercise, drink a lot of water and talk to someone when you need to. This way, it will not affect your life as much and you will not lose yourself while trying to get over your loss.