We were recently contacted by a married couple who had suddenly lost their child. The emotions they were going through was all over the place. There was so much to do all in a short space of time. The funeral had to be arranged in a sensitive manner and words to say goodbye by using Funeral Poems and Funeral Verses.
They wanted to express some words that were completely different from the most used Funeral Poems for the loss of a child. They were given our instant download that contained 250 Funeral Poems and Funeral Verses and in no time at all, they found some magical words to say in the form of Funeral Poms For The Loss Of A Child. That download is available right now. Simply Click Here.
We managed to find an excellent funeral director for them who was experienced in dealing with there situation. They sympathetically guided them through the whole process and trust me that was a massive weight lifted from there shoulders.
The next step that we had to face was guiding them in a manner to Deal with grief. Coping with Grief is essential when dealing with the loss of a child. We pointed them to our programme that took them through the whole grieving process. It covered everything from the Symptoms of grief and how to effectively Deal With Grief. Just Click Here.
The last step we did was to ask our writer, Jo, to take us through the whole process of finding funeral poems and funeral verses for the loss of a child and dealing with grief. Therefore, carry on and read Jo’s article.
Losing a child is a painful experience and most people never recover from that. It might bring a range of mixed emotions in your life and some parents lose themselves completely. Even if you have other children, you might not know how to raise them anymore.
Death appears to be cruel as it doesn’t choose people based on age, it can come anytime, be it through accidents, illnesses or any other causes. You are not prepared to bury your child, and or so many reasons, it feels like it is messing with the chronology of life. If you ask most people, they don’t believe that they are supposed to outlive their children. However, we don’t choose who lives or dies because if we would, parents would choose to exchange their lives with those of their dead children or so.
When you lose a child through an accident, it is usually more difficult because this is something that you hadn’t foreseen. Unlike death by illness where the parent is somehow psychologically prepared that they might lose their child anytime, accidents have no warnings, and this leaves the parent shook and may sink into depression.
How exactly did that happen?
Some parents might actually go ahead to blame themselves for the death of their children; maybe they were not taking the best care of their young ones or maybe they were not good parents to them. All these emotions may overwhelm the parent and lead to more suffering.
Even though you will have it in mind that you need to bury your child, the funeral is not the first thing that will ring in your mind after receiving the devastating news of your child’s death. You will be shaken and short of words, and way too angry to understand why they had to die.
However, we cannot question the will of our creator of the course of nature. The best we can do is to let it hurt. In the society we live in, people will be of help in terms of emotional support and in preparation for the funeral. Eulogizing your child, regardless of age is not an easy thing to do but it might give you closure of the loss and somewhat a sense of acceptance.
Whether you are considering a religious burial or not, funeral poems are a great way to express how you feel and maybe tell the audience about your loss. It is quite hard to accept why your child had to die, especially at a young age and there is no explanation that is comforting for this.
However, having funeral poems or funeral verses is a good way to commemorate your child. Religious rituals at the funeral may help you in understanding and accept the loss of a young one and offer guidelines on how to deal with the loss. Before we talk about the funeral, let’s discuss how losing your child may affect your life and what to expect.
In that devastating moment of losing your child and receiving the news, you may not know what to feel. In fact, you cannot be able to explain exactly how you feel about it. There is a chance you may experience a range of emotions at once among them anger, guilt, and hopelessness.
However, it is okay, even as confusing as it is to experience these feelings. It means that you are human. Some people deal with the loss differently but parents with other children face more difficulties as they have to be strong and be there for their remaining children.
There is a very big chance that your lives will never be the same, and in some cases, a couple who lose their child may experience difficult marital friction, with some of them resulting in divorce.
Let’s talk about eulogizing your child; this is the hardest thing to do as a parent, writing a funeral eulogy for your son and daughter and reading it out loud, telling people about your child’s short life.
However, for a proper funeral, you will have to come up with a eulogy for them, no matter how hurtful it seems to be. To do this, you may want to share your thoughts and experience with the little-lost life while expressing shared feelings of grief. You may also consider sharing what you feel now that your child is gone, which may also be of help to you in the road to recovery. Including some funeral verses and poems might actually be helpful in terms of expressing shared memories, special characters of the child as well as sharing your personal experience in parenthood and loss of a child.
In a religious setting, a funeral may include verses for The Bible, with most of them set to encourage the bereaved to go on living and rejoice in the Lord for the young one, has finally rested. This could be helpful to parents of a child who succumbed to illnesses as they may look at the death as a way to relieve the child from suffering.
For instance, if the child was terminally ill, always in and out of hospitals, some parents may take death as deliverance from so much suffering. In the Christian view of life, the little ones have no sins to answer and will go to live with the Father. This gives parents and family hope that they will reunite with their children in heaven and that the children have just gone before us, but we are all travelling the same journey.
You may want to include funeral poems, to tell people exactly how you feel about your child and what they meant to you. There are religious poems you could choose from even if you are not a good writer. However, it is recommended to choose the poem you feel connected to most, the poem that speaks out your thoughts.
After the funeral.
This is usually the hardest time for the family, as everyone else has gone back to their normal lives. Parents of the lost child don’t just get over it and go back to work and normal lives like nothing happened. In fact, their lives may become even harder, struggling with overcoming grief. While everyone needs their own time to heal, most families may break apart if they don’t find a common ground to deal with their feelings. In most cases, marriages break and for the remaining children, they may develop psychological issues if they are not handled carefully.
In the event that a child was lost through an accident, guilt and blame may occur, especially if the parents were not with the child at the time. However, this is a very unhealthy way of dealing with grief, but very little can be done to reverse it. As a parent, you may feel guilty, blaming yourself for what happened due to the nature of any parent being very protective of their children.
One parent may also feel like the other is responsible and this is the worst that could happen to anyone. No one should feel responsible for the death of their child, especially if it was purely an accident.
Some couples may seek counselling after the loss of their child to try and fix their relationship and find closure together.
This is very advisable in the case where the parents have other children to raise but are having difficulties in their marriage. On losing a child, you may experience loneliness, anxiety, hopelessness, and anxiety, despite your partner’s presence. Some people distance themselves from the reality of life, which could lead to withdrawal from marital duties.
This may include how they relate with their spouse, bringing along struggles with intimacy and physical closeness which may result in divorces as they may crave for something different, maybe comfort that they are not getting from their partner, who is also grieving.
The loss of a child is felt by the entire family, which makes it hard for the parents to find consolation in the closest people around them. For instance, it would be difficult to find consolation in your spouse, who is most probably going through a turmoil of emotions as you are.
This gets worse when you have other children who are depending on you to be a parent, the mom or dad they are used to having and yet you don’t understand yourself anymore. It is important to remember that they are going through grief for losing their sibling and only you can help them overcome the grief and guide them through the difficult and painful moments. In this case, you might consider getting help for both you and your entire family to help you understand the loss and avoid losing yourselves in grief.
Parenting while grieving.
As mentioned earlier, parenting while grieving for another child is difficult. Unlike other people who may go through grief on their own, when you have other children, you can’t just get over it. No matter how difficult it is for you, you remain a parent to your other child or children and unlike adults, children are affected by the loss of their siblings in a way that it can leave a permanent scar in their hearts forever. You have to help them deal with the loss, while you have no idea how to deal with it yourself. This is where you may consider seeking professional help for you and maybe for your entire family, to avoid loss of them to grief.
These parents may also experience feelings of fear of losing their remaining children to the cruel vice. In the case where a child died from sickness, the parent might feel responsible for not taking care of them or maybe not realizing it sooner.
Sometimes they question their ability to parent their own children which may lead to negative effects on their mental health as parents. If you find yourself dealing with such emotions, it is advisable to seek help from a professional.
How are children affected by losing their sibling?
In order to help your children deal with the loss of their sibling, you have to understand how it affects them. Since children are vulnerable and may not be able to express their grief, it is important to pay attention to their behaviours. Grieving children may externalize and internalize their grief, especially teenagers and express it in harmful ways including drug abuse.
Some of these children may have the notion that they are also not going to live long also, and for some reason, they believe that death may come for them too. Understanding how children grief is an important step is helping the overcome bereavement, which needs a very present parent.
Just like the parents of a child lost, siblings may also experience a wide range of emotions, for instance, anger, guilt, and frustrations. They may even wonder how come their sibling died and not them. As in most cases where siblings didn’t get along with the deceased, they may carry a heavy weight of guilt with them, wishing that they had been better siblings. They may also feel responsible for wanting them out of the picture while they were alive and this could lead to more serious mental health issues.
As much as we speak of grieving siblings, some people may forget that children also go through the painful process of mourning their sibling and they can be forgotten when it comes to offering support to them. If this happens, they may feel left out leading to the feelings of double loss; including their parents who may have withdrawn to deal with their own grief.
However, you, being the parent, can ease these emotions by involving them in your own grief. You can actually heal as a family by encouraging them to speak their emotions out, without the fear of mentioning their lost sibling’s name.
It is also very important to recognize that different death occurrences have different impacts on the siblings. For instance, unexpected death might be more traumatic than that of sickness but a suicide impacts more than any other death. The siblings might question and regret how they treated the lost child.
Sometimes they may feel like it was their fault, and how couldn’t they have seen it coming? In the case where a child was murdered, it may become inevitable to lose their parents in the court proceedings and therefore feeling alone and insecure, while still dealing with grief. If they are told to get other the death of their siblings, they may end up suppressing all the anger, guilt and sadness which may have adverse effects on their mental health.
Children find it difficult to deal with the death of their sibling regardless of age, even children under the age of ten might experience the trauma and have it affect their mental health in the future.
Bereavement and grieving the loss of a child.
When it comes to grieving the loss of a child, there is no specific way of doing it. Like every other form of grief, we all have different ways of dealing with grief. However, you must understand your feelings in order to device a great way to deal with the sudden emptiness and loneliness that comes with losing a loved one.
Some people run to religion, other people express themselves in unhealthy ways like substance abuse and withdrawal. While everyone goes back to their normal routine, the family of the lost life is left and this becomes the most difficult time of their lives. Below are some of the ways that might help you overcome your grief;
1. Don’t withdraw from your life
This may sound easier said than done but believe me it is one of the best things you can do. It is not encouraged to avoid your feelings but getting back to parenting, working and basic life will ease the eruptive behaviour that may result from grieving. Remember that as much as you are going through a difficult time, your other children, if any, and spouse will need you to. You cannot simply withdraw from these duties no matter how hard it seems to be. It is okay to get back to work to continue raising your other children and be a supportive and present spouse to your significant other.
2. Allow yourself, your spouse and children time to grief
As much as you are having a hard time dealing with the loss of your child, it is likely that everyone in your house is doing the same. It is only fair to let everyone have their time to grieve, it does not mean that you don’t care about them. Instead, you are encouraging healing and leaving room for everyone t sort out their emotions. With time, it gets easier. It is fair to be lenient and allow your partner some alone time without feeling like you are rejected. Again, as much as you give them time to grieve, remember that you need to be there for them, should they need your help.
3. Encourage talking about the deceased
People will avoid mentioning the deceased’s name, especially in a family setting, trying to avoid bringing back the fresh memories. However, avoiding talking about them does not help, in fact, it does more harm than good. It is okay to recount those memories, as it could be a way to healing. People will get the chance to express what they miss most about the child. It is also important to consider family counselling where everyone has a safe space to express their grief, worries and insecurities. This way, you will include everyone in the process of healing together as a family. This way, even your other children will not feel left out while you and your spouse are dealing with grief.
4. Beware of the Marital Friction
In a setting where you are married, you might experience marital conflicts while you and your spouse are trying to deal with grief. This may be as a result of the painful feelings you both have from the loss of your child. Sometimes, one of you may feel the need to blame the other for their child’s death. In this scenario, the other partner might find it difficult to stay in that marriage as they don’t want to be faulted every now and then, even if they feel somehow responsible.
For instance, if your partner was the one taking care of your child at the time of death, be it an accident or suicide, you might find it easier to blame them for what happened rather than face your loss. This is because of the painful feelings you are experiencing. However, this does not justify you to put a blame on your spouse as they are already feeling guilty.
Doing this to them might even cause more pain, withdrawal and some marriages don’t survive this. Instead, you may consider seeking marital counselling or giving each other some space to mourn your child. However, if there are other children involved, separating would only cause them more pain.
5. Allow yourself to feel
Grieving is a very painful process but if you do not allow yourself to experience the pain, you may never be able to accept your loss. Understand that it is okay to be angry, guilty and whatever you are feeling but do not let it weigh you down for long. It is only human to feel what you are feeling. Instead, allow yourself to go through the process of grief, no matter how much it hurts. Eventually, you will make peace with the loss.
Losing a child can be a very difficult and painful experience. It may even change who you are, among other aspects of your life. However, you can seek solace in funeral poems and funeral verses to help you commemorate your child. It is also advisable to honour the memories of your child, and understand that their time came, even if it is against the chronology of life. It gets easier and better but you will never forget the memories and the pain of losing your child.