A friend of mine lost there only child some time age following a long illness. It was a dreadful time. Lots of questions came up. What does one say? What is the right word to use for comfort? It was an absolute nightmare.
Then I was asked to find a suitable funeral poem for the loss of a child. I found lots of popular funeral verses for the loss of a child. However, I wanted to use something completely different from the norm and a funeral poem that would truly impress. I stumbled across a brilliant download of 250 funeral poems and we have made it available for you by simply clicking here.
You can read about me and My Story Here.
The passing of a Child
The death of a child no matter what the circumstances have a tremendous effect on one’s life. One has to live with remembering the times they shared while they were still so young, but there are very few memories shared with them because of there short life.
One has to contend with making special the little that is left of their memories in a fulfilling way. There is not a time that you are guaranteed a full recovery from such a loss. What happens instead, is people find ways of cherishing those precious memories in a manner that doesn’t live them sad.
Upon the news of the loss, a family often receives massive support from friends and family, but over time, they start to pull away leaving one to establish ways of dealing with the loss by themselves. The Holy Bookshop understands that moving on isn’t as easy as it is said, has a suggestion of some of the ways one can learn to cope with the loss of their unborn child when the curtain falls.
Establishing safe ways of honoring the child who dies.
Finding channels for remembering the lost child will eventually help a parent to come to terms with the loss and besides helping to honor their deaths. The parents are faced with a grieving challenge because they shared minimal time with the child there are not many memories left, but one’s hope and future imaginations of life would be with the child are simply crushed.
Many times, the people surrounding the grieving parents amount the pressure to move on, reasoning that they will always have a chance to get another baby, or simply because the child was too young. They forget that grieving even an infant is still grief which has a massive blow and will take time like other cases to overcome.
Some of the ways of remembering the unborn child’s memory are:
Funeral Poems for the loss of a child
Talking about them. Parents fear that they will lose the memory of their child as time goes by because there is not much to show for it. One of the best things to do is to keep talking about them with family and friends. Talking helps ensure their memories stay alive besides making it easy to learn how to live with the loss.
Talking also enlightens people about how to feel so that they understand the impact the loss had on you, and so they reduce their expectations and pressure as to how one ought to move on.
Creating them a website or blog. On your blog, you can enlist the photos you probably took with them in there tender years, or of there bedroom, you had prepared for them, details about their names, and their birth dates. You can also dedicate the songs or create a special playlist of music you imagine they would have loved, or you loved listening to when you were expecting them.
There is so much room for creativity with the blog as one can also decide to link up the site where other parents can enlist for help regarding a similar scenario, if applicable that led to their child’s demise, or of where they received support during this difficult time, at least to help the child’s demise make an impact so as to stay memorable.
Birthday celebrations. Much as lived for such a brief time, deep down they are our children, at least right from conception and therefore deserving an equal measure of treatment to help their memories linger on. Their birthdays should not be ignored as this will only leave one feeling guilty for being ignorant of such important days in their deceased child’s life.
They may not be present to cut a birthday cake, but you can do certain things for this, for instance, lighting a candle, singing them birthday songs by their gravesides, releasing balloons into the air, or having a family reunion where you get to share the little memories among other things.
Having tangible mementos. Having something tangible that helps one remember the child is quite helpful and a source of comfort. It could be that picture was taken while you are pregnant, a gift given during the baby shower, a piece of cloth you already bought while anticipating their arrival. Such items help one stay in touch with the memory of the child by virtue of being held or looked at.
Putting on a reminder about the baby. This is a flower that was plucked at a tender age, very delicate and who never got to experience the love that was in store for them. You can still make things like pendants, wristbands, tattoos, pins, and so on, all of which have the fulfillment of the baby’s memory being carried whenever you go.
Helping other parents who have equally lost their unborn babies. You could use your experience to encourage other parents going through a similar situation, an act that makes me look like the death of your unborn child was a lesson and a motivation to do something different in the society. There is joy in knowing that you are assisting in achieving their purpose in life, as much as you only interacted for a short time.
This help could also be in the form of giving out toiletries to less privileged parents, who have babies but lack basic provisions, which you had, but you were not lucky to get a baby.
Setting up a foundation or a fundraiser. A foundation can be set up probably to help people not to lose unborn children in the same way you did, or just one with a cause somehow related to your child.
The fundraiser also works in a similar way and can be annually held with intentions of donating the proceeds to a children’s home, children’s wing in the hospital, or too helpless needy children.
That one has a cause that helps to make the lives of other children better brings satisfaction of still doing the duties that would still be expected of you as a parent.
Holding memorial services. The parents can always initiate a memorial service for the deceased child and invite people to come to help them celebrate their memories. This can be held on the dates they passed on or were buried and can be conducted in a church, at home, by their gravesides, or somewhere the family finds conducive.
Tree planting. Planting a tree is a nice way of commemorating the death of an unborn child, it could be even named after the baby. One is able to watch the tree grow as they would have done with their children if they had the chance. It is a lifetime memory that cannot be erased unless one day somebody comes and cuts the tree.
Participating in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day which is held every October 15. By celebrating this day, a person gets to remember and honor their unborn child together with other parents. This sense of togetherness further helps one in moving on by the realization that they are not alone.
Making donations. You can decide to buy and donate books and clothes to a charitable organization on behalf of the deceased baby.
Honoring the memory of the unborn child helps people to cope with this form of loss. As one indulges in these activities, over time they feel less burdened with the pain. It is one of the best ways to go about learning to live with the loss.
Other ways of dealing with the loss of an unborn child
There is very little room for things we can do for a deceased child. So every possible chance should be utilized. Other than honoring their memories some best ways of learning how to cope with the loss of the unborn child are mentioned below.
Dedicating them funeral poems, funeral quotes, funeral bible verses, and songs. These are a collection of these at the Holy Bookshop, but you are free to exploit for more. These poems, quotes, verses, and songs can be used alongside some of the other funeral stationery like funeral programs, flowers, obituaries, thank you notes, condolence and sympathy notes.
The selected funeral poems can be made permanent through framing up and being strategically placed in the house to act as a constant reminder of the death of the unborn child. They could also be engraved on their graveside, or printed and stored in the family album in place of their pictures which are not there.
Recognizing and accepting the chain of emotional reactions. Dealing with a situation requires that you first accept that it is there. The death of your child, much as they were not yet born, will result in a series of emotions, which can still recur much later when you feel you have healed. The expected reactions are,
Being a failure
Difficulty making decisions
These emotional reactions, also known as 5 stages of grief, appear uniquely for each person and will last for varying periods too. One should therefore not be hard on themselves if they take a longer time than someone who has been there before.
People commonly say that time is a healer, and that the pain of losing your unborn child eventually fades away. Grieving is not a journey that comes to an end, the loss of a child is a scar that we carry for the rest of our lives. That said, we only do things that help us in managing the pain and seeing their deaths from a lesson and impact point of view.
Talking about your pain. We already saw that talking about your deceased child is helpful, so is talking about what you feel. You should, however, do this when you feel ready. Talk to friends or other relatives about the loss, always remembering that there could be someone out there, close to you who is equally hurt, and might just benefit from the talk, for instance, the other children.
Dealing with Grief
You can join support groups, of parents who have suffered a loss like yours, where they get to encourage each other besides sharing tips of the effective ways of dealing with the pain.
Where you find it difficult indulging in such talks, one can consider the help of professional counselors who are equipped and will assist the grieving parent to go through the loss.
Talking about your pain to the children left behind helps in their growth and maturity. They get an opportunity to learn from your ways through which a person can express their emotions and the varying types of emotions that are normal to live.
This art of talking about how one feels following the death of an unborn baby is not easy, it takes time to learn how to do it with ease, the reason why it should be done when a person is willing as opposed to when a person is pressured to do so- it does open the wounds that we are so bent on letting heal.
We have suggested a number of things which you can try to help you deal with the death of a loved one. But people are different. Some may work for you more than others, or they probably can all be effective owing to the vast nature of human beings.
But there is hope in knowing that you will get to find the ways which are effective for you as a person, and that you will be able to turn your pain into a celebration in recognizing that even though we might have spent very little time with the baby inside the stomach, they served their purpose within that short period, it is upon us to seek and celebrate that purpose.