However much we wish to sweep it under the carpet, one single truth that we might never detach away from is that at one particular point in life, we will lose our loved ones. The time is what varies for all of us.
Grieving and mourning are different. Grieving is the most natural response that takes place immediately upon the demise of a loved one, it is the flow of emotions which is kind of uncontrollable.
Mourning is however prolonged, as it entails the steps taken towards living without the presence of the deceased. Mourning helps people to express their grief in the long term.
The Death of a person is one of life’s processes that is quite difficult to go about. The process of mourning usually derails people emotionally. It is, therefore, necessary to know what grief does to us, so that we are able to manage it accordingly. If not done well, the mourning of a loved one can live is in poor emotional and physical health.
Mourning is unique to every person- there is no formula for mourning, so be free with whichever way you find yourself going about it, even if it is different from how the people around you are reacting to it. The sudden death of a person may, however, tend to result in a greater impact compared to that one as a result of long-term illness.
Whereas some people will quietly sit in silence, others would rather cry or scream about it. Some people prefer talking to reduce their pain while others would rather sleep it off.
There is no predetermined period for mourning- no one states that you should mourn from this time till a given time. Mourn for as long as you want, till you feel the pain has subsided. Right from the time of death, some people learn to cope with it early enough, probably before burial while others take several months.
The most important thing is to accept to deal with grief as our bodies dictate. Do not rely on how someone you knew went about it, and do not expect too that if by any chance you previously went about a grief a certain way, it might work out for another grief. Each loss comes with its own set of feelings, which equally take differing time to heal from.
Some of the things people have to go through in mourning are stated below.
Coming to terms with the loss of a loved one; this might take a while as you mourn. It is not easy to acknowledge death in our minds and equally in our everyday activities. This is because of the sad reality attached to it- that one is gone and can no longer be expected to be by us at any given time.
Going through the grieving process; this is just part of mourning that will subject a person to a rollercoaster of emotional expressions. At one point you might feel angry at the whole situation, and in another instance feel guilty for having failed to do enough to keep death away. It is usually advisable that you let the emotions flow freely, as this is an important step towards healing in the long term.
Learning to live our lives without the deceased; this includes adjusting physically, emotionally or mentally, and spiritually. You will now have to face a future without the deceased and whatever help they used to accord you when they were still alive.
You need to find a reason to continue living much as all hope might have been lost; one ought to remember of the other people who are still alive, and who need to be supported, like children in the case of loss of a spouse.
Striking a balance between the loved ones’ death and living one’s life; the two become quite difficult to handle, especially in the early stages. It is never easy having to eat while at the same time staying in the pain that a part of you is gone with their demise.
Mourning may sometimes lead to physical illness due to the inability to take care of oneself while at the same time dealing with the turmoil of loss.
There are a number of ways of going about the mourning of a loved one
Writing or dedicating them songs, poems and quotes. This is done after a careful consideration of what they loved, which helps in selecting the themes and messages conveyed by our songs, poems and quotes. Sometimes you could just pick up a poem that they particularly liked and use it for mourning them.
Some people would prefer to express their pain by crying over it. It is not a sign of weakness, so cry if you feel it might help in easing your pain. It is said that tears are an expression of the pain felt in the heat, they are the best way of bringing out was is strapped to the heart.
Another way to go about mourning is by talking about the deceased. You could do this together with a group of other mourners or simply share it out with people you trust. You get to talk about the things you were fond of doing together, or the places the deceased loved to visit. Talk about what made them happy or the things that they wouldn’t like to see somebody do.
Talking therapy works by showing somebody that they are in control of their emotions by the virtue of the virtue of one having the power to talk about it. It is a sign of conquered emotions.
Printing out their names on things like shirts, cups, cards, or framing up their pictures also forms part of mourning of a loved one in a stylish way. This gives you a feeling of having established a permanent way of making their memories stay with us forever. These can also be given out to other mourners to act as a reminder of the deceased.