Love, Understanding, and Poems to Comfort the Grieving
There’s an aspect of grief that people just don’t talk about. That aspect is the impact one person’s suffering has on their loved ones. Thank God for the power of words and the poems to comfort the grieving. If not for them, I would never have been able to help my mother through her grief.
Recently, my mother lost her father. She was with him throughout his life, until his last breath escaped his lips. So, we expected her to break down after his death. However, I didn’t expect what came after that. Our therapist diagnosed her with PTSD. For a really long time, I felt like I didn’t have my mother around me even though she was physically present.
The time I nearly lost my mother to grief
I watched grief transform my mother from the happiest and loudest woman in the room to a quiet person whose presence and absence didn’t make much difference.
In the beginning, I was patient because I knew this was a phase that would come to an end at some point. But, after a few weeks, I wasn’t able to take it anymore. I didn’t have the strength to watch my mother go through that amount of pain.
That was when I started looking for ways to comfort the grieving. I went through countless books, talks, and documentaries. One thing I realized was that most of them lacked raw emotions. I knew my mother wasn’t looking for sympathy. All she wanted at that time was a way to understand her grief.
Finally, one day, I came across Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. If you know of someone who is grieving and needs comfort, I urge you to give them this book. In it, you will find various poems to comfort the grieving. These poems have the power to move anyone.
I gave the book to my mother, and since then, I have found her with it every day. One of the best things about it is that the authors use raw emotions as they address the reader. With their words, anyone will be able to understand their own emotions and find ways to navigate through trauma. Even I found effective ways to help my mother by reading their poems to comfort the grieving.
At that time, my mom was experiencing a huge amount of grief, which was very difficult for me too. I learned a lot from that period in my life and will share with you some of the ways in which I helped her. Honestly, I tried a lot of things, but nothing proved to be more effective than Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.
Finding my own strength so that I had enough to lend some to her
There is an ancient saying, “Don’t trust a naked man when he offers you clothes.” What that means is that you can’t really give someone something that you don’t have. So I realized I wouldn’t be able to give my mother strength unless I had it in me first.
I found that strength in Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. It was strange to me that a bunch of authors who I’ve never met could help me through one of the most difficult phases of my life.
Also, empathy isn’t as easy as it sounds. In order to empathize with someone, you must be able to walk in their shoes. In order to walk in their shoes, you must know exactly what they are going through. Again, Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep helped me give names to the different emotions my mother was experiencing. It made it easier for me to offer the right kind of support to her.
But all of that was about me. Let me tell you how this book helped my mother.
The magic of poetry
I noticed that my mother was going through conflicting emotions because of age and experience. She had responsibilities as a mother and a daughter (to her mother), but at the end of the day, she was human. There were times when she would start talking to me about how she felt, but she would stop abruptly. I sensed hesitation in her voice — as if she had made a mistake by opening up to me.
(Months later, her therapist told me that she felt guilty for venting her emotions while talking to me. She didn’t want her grief to weigh me down.)
But I didn’t know that in the beginning. So, I was struggling to understand what she meant and why she seemed so tense all the time. Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep really helped me in that regard. It also helped my mom talk about her emotions in a way that really made sense to the listener. For that reason alone, I think everyone should read this book.
Besides, as I said, the authors gracefully express the turbulence one feels after losing a loved one. My mother told me that when she read their poems to comfort the grieving, she finally felt “understood.” In her words, almost all the other books catered to the emotions of the young. What she needed was something more intense and with more maturity. That was exactly what this book gave her.
What’s more, the authors also recommended other books that could help someone find motivation after grief.
Still, think of it as a process. Once you’re through with grief, you have to follow it with the next step — you have to rebuild your life.
A word of advice
If someone you know is going through a rough patch, only lending your support when they are grieving wouldn’t suffice. If they don’t have a shoulder to lean on AFTER recovering, they will experience a “relapse.” Basically, they’ll go back to square one and start grieving all over again.
Poems to comfort the grieving and lessons life taught me the hard way
Always be there for them
If you have someone in your life who needs your support, don’t hesitate to lend it to them. Also, don’t be afraid of hurting yourself in the process. The good things we do have a way of coming back to us. So keep offering your best to everyone in your life.
BUT if you catch yourself getting overwhelmed, make sure you take a step back. For some odd reason, there are two extremes when it comes to dealing with grief. Some people just don’t care at all. Others are way too much. So, if you are going to try to help someone at the cost of your mental health, will anyone truly benefit in the end?
In psychology, there is a concept called “vicarious learning.” It implies that people can “learn” behavior just by watching someone important engaging in it. If you’ve ever wondered why it hurts to watch someone you love hurt, now you know why.
So, try to draw a line. You have to remain strong if you are to continue offering support. In order to do that, you need to take care of your mental health too.
There were times when I used to get so overwhelmed with my mother’s behavior. But I too had grown a deep fondness towards Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. So when I felt like all the walls around me were closing in, I read a few verses from the poems to comfort the grieving. I wasn’t really “grieving,” but they made me feel “understood.” At least I didn’t feel alone on those days.
Be the best version of yourself when you’re around them
Patience, kindness, understanding, love, and mercy… Why don’t we hear these words as much as we used to? Somehow, we are now so preoccupied with our own thoughts and opinions that we often forget to stop and celebrate the most beautiful aspect of humanity — love.
Since you are looking for ways to help someone who is grieving, you must make sure you hone those qualities. Every experience in our life helps us discover one of those qualities both within ourselves and in those we love. When I tried to comfort my mother, I realized I was more understanding than I thought I was. I was more patient than I used to be. By the end of that period, I concluded that indeed, those were the lessons this experience with my mother had to teach me.
If you are anything like me, you might wonder how you can identify those traits within yourself. Again, I had help, and that help came from the poems to comfort the grieving in Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep.
You see, it’s normal to lose patience when dealing with someone who isn’t in the best emotional state. Sometimes, they tend to get a little irrational and difficult. When that happens, I advise you to stay away from them for some time. If you don’t do that, you might end up saying things that you won’t be able to take back.
Always try to put yourself in their shoes and understand things from their perspective. When that tires you out, retreat and try again tomorrow.
Give them space
My little brother was too young to understand that my mother was going through a difficult phase. Unfortunately, he couldn’t accept the changes in her, and he kept trying to be in her presence all the time. One day, she lost it and scolded him for annoying her. That was when I realized that we had failed to give her space. After that, I enrolled my brother in several after-school activities, which kept him occupied until my mother recovered.
I’m sharing this with you now because we often misunderstand people’s behavior when we don’t understand their emotions. My mother never really found my brother (her son) annoying. Rather, she was just frustrated by not being able to understand her own behavior.
Just because you need to be there for someone, it doesn’t mean you need to be with them 24/7. That’s not healthy at all and will only damage your relationship with that person.
Someone who is grieving will either feel extremely overwhelmed or numb. When they feel the latter, they need space. They need time to understand that they are hurting. After some time, they should be able to find ways to cope with it on their own. However, if you keep taking their time and energy, they will have nothing left for themselves.
As a result, they might become very detached and distant from everyone. When someone reaches that point, it becomes very difficult to bring them back.
Don’t keep talking about their sorrow
If you know of someone who is going through something difficult, don’t only talk about their emotional state as if there is nothing else left to talk about anymore. It doesn’t necessarily have to be as direct as, “Do you miss him?” Even questions like, “How are you?” can get very irritating if you ask them all the time.
Don’t get me wrong — you should often ask them how they’re doing. That acts as a reminder that you care about them. But, do so with caution. Sometimes, people prefer to just not think about their fragile state. The constant reminder will only reinforce their sadness instead of taking it away.
As you already know, I avoided this common mistake by using the poems to comfort the grieving from Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. On the cover of the book, I wrote a note to my mother; I told her that I loved her and that I would always be there for her whenever she needs me. To her, the poems in the book were like a message from me, and that was enough for her.
Do little things, but with a lot of love
Here are some easy but very effective ways to gently remind someone that you care about them:
- Cook them their favorite meal
- Clean their bedroom
- Give them little gifts and tell them that the item reminded you of them
- Buy them fresh flowers
- Take them out for dinner once in a while
Those are very easy to put into practice, and I watched them transform my mother’s mood almost instantly.
I also did something I would never normally do. One evening, my brother and I took turns to recite some poems to comfort the grieving from Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. It made my mother cry, but those were tears of happiness and love. She hugged us tightly that evening and said that she couldn’t imagine a life without us, her little angels.
It has been months since her father died and she’s finally going back to her old self. I won’t deny it — the sadness lingers in her eyes. But, I guess that’s just what losing a loved one does to a person.
Even today, I catch her reading poems to comfort the grieving from Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep before she goes to bed. I don’t know if I was of much help to her during her grief, although I tried. But I do know that giving her that book was one of the best gifts I’ve ever given her.
In the verses, she found meaning and empathy. Her therapist told me that it was easy to communicate with my mother because she knew how to speak the language of the heart. Perhaps that was what smoothened her recovery.
Even the other day, during lunch, as she was telling me about her father, I noticed she kept quoting from the book. That day, I felt like I had fulfilled my duty as a daughter.
Like I said, my mother, isn’t the same person she used to be. But now I see her as a more mature, experienced, wise and graceful lady. Her grief taught her to spot grief in others as well, including me. There are times when she recognizes that I am not in a good place, and that was never the case before.
PS — the love you give will find its way back to you
You, the one who is watching your loved one go through grief — I understand that these days are not easy. But they are not impossible to go through either. Your presence, your patience, and your kindness are essential for your loved one to make it through. I assure you that you have the strength it takes to do that. I believe in you and your ability to spread the love.
I am fully aware that when you search for Poems To Comfort The Grieving you will be offered the same free and popular funeral poems. But consider this for one moment. These free poems are used by over 90% of the world’s population. They are not unique and they are no longer special. Surely you want to find some special words that truly reflect that unique and special relationship you once had?
I sincerely believe that those free poems are used because of laziness. It is so easy to find these funeral poems but there is no effort made in choosing them. It is an easy way out. So be different and use words that are truly memorable for whatever reason. My thoughts are with you. Thanks for coming here today.